I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
