I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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