I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
