So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
