Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
