yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
