and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
