You just made me feel so damn special
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
