You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
