I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He better not be in your backpack
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
