4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
