why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
