I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Randomize
