Just mADE A PArabola og urine
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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