I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
