a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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