Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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