i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
