dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
