Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
