Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
