i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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