so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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