there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
