So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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