no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
