True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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