I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
