She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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