If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
