We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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