she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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