ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
