Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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