I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
