Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.