Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...