Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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