so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.