i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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