Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much