You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation