I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...