Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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