well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
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he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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