I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
