The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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