somebody snuck up and got me drunk
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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