Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
