They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
