i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
