Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
