I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
