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You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
