Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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