1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
