I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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