I love black thongs
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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