dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
