I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
