I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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