Hey man sorry I got all grabby
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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