You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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