Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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