I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just cropdusted the office
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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