Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
