am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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