so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
