Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
