i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
