The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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