So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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