Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
