If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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