There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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