i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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