It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
