My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
