I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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