Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
