Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so that wasnt chicken after all
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
