I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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