he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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