I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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